the quell

hello blog. it’s been awhile. i have thought about you. i have missed you. i’ve been digging through old stuff locked up in this thing.  i’m going to input to the universe.

here’s one from sometime back when. be kind. it was shot straight from the hip, sans edit.

steam head

(a sunday 9:43pm

another day trying to stay above the quell

the quell of what



no more virginia woolf.

we are not free in our own homes.

it is not money that is missing.

it is not a room of our own that is missing.


it is the right to have our own lives.

the right to shut the door and not be punished for it.


if you don’t lock the door

they keep coming back


they come down the stairs

they stand in your doorway

they scold and berate

and then they want you to love them

they expect you to let them put their hands all over you and inside you.

fuck. that.


they would have you all to themselves.

they would pretend to share

they would turn on you when you do not give them what they want

they will say it is all your fault. again.

every. time.


you would think i would know better by now.

they say so many nice things in the beginning.

and you fall for it every time.

it doesn’t matter what you say.

it doesn’t matter how much you try to make them hear you.

they will be deaf to everything but their own words.


and then

when once again

you try to soften and return

they have locked the door on you

saying that it is actually they

that need to protect themselves

from you.


the colonizer

barricading itself

against the



they go to these mean places

and they stay there a long time.

building resentment and venom about why I do not come for them

or beckon them near.









verb: quell; 3rd person present: quells; past tense: quelled; past participle: quelled; gerund or present participle: quelling

  1. put an end to (a rebellion or other disorder), typically by the use of force.
  2. “extra police were called to quell the disturbance”
  1. synonyms:
  • subdue or silence someone.
  • “Connor quelled him with a look”
  • suppress (a feeling, especially an unpleasant one).
  • “he spoke up again to quell any panic among the assembled youngsters”
    • synonyms:
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